Death-ly correspondence

It’s a slow day, so I have an excuse to answer those wayward text messages I’ve been getting.  This one, I couldn’t resist answering:

UNK: Wat f, im 0n t0p of a 99-flr bldg…redy 2 jump…Gv me a 1-line sentence, 2 c0nvince me dat i shud nt die.

This is too easy.  So I wrote:

ME: There is no life after death.

And then he replied:

UNK: fuck! who are you?

ME: Sorry, my phone does not recognize your number.  And it’s rude to curse someone you don’t know.

UNK: what is your name?, I txt my cousin not you…

ME: I’m Azrael.  Good.  I thought you already jumped.

UNK: I thought you are an angel of death.  Where you from?

ME:  Nice to know that you’re literate.  I’m mostly everywhere.

**I wish I didn’t jump the gun in calling him 'literate' as I’ll be proven otherwise later.

UNK: Where is everywhere? Fuck i dont play games!

ME: You started it when you sent me a text.

UNK: im not txting you., i txt my cousin not you… Where do you live?

ME: I live in the Netherworld.  Now, why would you text your cousin that you’re about to jump off a 99-storey building?

UNK: Where is netherworld? what is that place?

ME: You’ll find soon enough if you still feel like jumping.

UNK: Can you call to my phone now, can i talk to you? I dont believe in heaven and hell but i believe in death.

ME: I seem to have misjudged you.  I thought you weren’t one of them -- ordinary.

UNK: One of them? Who? I have no time to playing games…

ME: See how insignificant you are?  You don’t even know that you’ve just been insulted.

UNK: Im not insulted! I wanna know where do you live,i dont know where is netherworld because i live in netherland with peter pan and tinker bell.

**Duh! Netherland?!?

ME: (laughs) How old are you?  Pray, tell.  And I might just visit you tonight while you sleep.

UNK: Im 22, dont visit me if you are a guy,visit me if you are a girl.  Why you visit me do you know my address?

**At this point I stopped replying.  For the love of Zeus! He’s 22 and he texts like 12.  Should I start complaining about poor education in the Philippines again?